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When I first became a mommy, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Toddler Hitting Me
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Toddler Hitting Me
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Toddler Hitting Me
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reading blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Toddler Hitting Me
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Toddler Hitting Me
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Toddler Hitting Me
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently generates much better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Toddler Hitting Me
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy reveals to encourage you to become the mother or dad you have actually always intended to be, as well as help your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (as well as a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a whole lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Toddler Hitting Me
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main feeling below it
• Many upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … Toddler Hitting Me
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we should be eager to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Toddler Hitting Me
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Toddler Hitting Me
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Toddler Hitting Me
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Toddler Hitting Me
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddler Hitting Me
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Toddler Hitting Me
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