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When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Toddler Hitting Mommy
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.Toddler Hitting Mommy
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Toddler Hitting Mommy
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reviewing articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as practically every other generally approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles bring about healthy child development Toddler Hitting Mommy
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Toddler Hitting Mommy
Initially, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Toddler Hitting Mommy
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation always generates much better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Toddler Hitting Mommy
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Right here are a number of the strategies Amy reveals to encourage you to come to be the mother or father you have actually always wanted to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (as well as a lot more common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Toddler Hitting Mommy
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key emotion below it
• Many angry children are actually scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … Toddler Hitting Mommy
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to receive from our child, we must want to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. Toddler Hitting Mommy
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Toddler Hitting Mommy
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Toddler Hitting Mommy
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Toddler Hitting Mommy
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddler Hitting Mommy
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Toddler Hitting Mommy
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