Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Toddler Hitting Themselves
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mom.Toddler Hitting Themselves
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Toddler Hitting Themselves
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started checking out material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and basically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts cause healthy child development Toddler Hitting Themselves
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Toddler Hitting Themselves
First, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for Toddler Hitting Themselves
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently produces much better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than plain external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Toddler Hitting Themselves
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (as well as extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Toddler Hitting Themselves
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a primary emotion under it
• Most angry children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Toddler Hitting Themselves
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we need to be ready to offer. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as a person. Toddler Hitting Themselves
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Toddler Hitting Themselves
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Toddler Hitting Themselves
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Toddler Hitting Themselves
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddler Hitting Themselves
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Toddler Hitting Themselves
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.