Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Toddler Holding Pee While Potty Training
There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Toddler Holding Pee While Potty Training
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Toddler Holding Pee While Potty Training
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles lead to healthy child development Toddler Holding Pee While Potty Training
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to work for the moment. But in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Toddler Holding Pee While Potty Training
Initially, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Toddler Holding Pee While Potty Training
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration consistently yields better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than plain outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Toddler Holding Pee While Potty Training
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (and a lot more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Toddler Holding Pee While Potty Training
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key emotion underneath it
• Many upset children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Toddler Holding Pee While Potty Training
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to receive from our child, we have to want to offer first. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as an individual. Toddler Holding Pee While Potty Training
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Toddler Holding Pee While Potty Training
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Toddler Holding Pee While Potty Training
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Toddler Holding Pee While Potty Training
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddler Holding Pee While Potty Training
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Toddler Holding Pee While Potty Training
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.