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When I first became a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Toddler Keeps Hitting Head
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Toddler Keeps Hitting Head
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Toddler Keeps Hitting Head
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started checking out blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also practically every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Toddler Keeps Hitting Head
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Toddler Keeps Hitting Head
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Toddler Keeps Hitting Head
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently generates better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Toddler Keeps Hitting Head
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often simpler (and extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Toddler Keeps Hitting Head
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main emotion beneath it
• A lot of upset children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Toddler Keeps Hitting Head
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to get from our child, we have to be willing to give before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as a person. Toddler Keeps Hitting Head
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Toddler Keeps Hitting Head
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to fix the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Toddler Keeps Hitting Head
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Toddler Keeps Hitting Head
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddler Keeps Hitting Head
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Toddler Keeps Hitting Head
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