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When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Toddler Keeps Hitting
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Toddler Keeps Hitting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Toddler Keeps Hitting
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began checking out blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Toddler Keeps Hitting
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to help temporarily. Yet long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Toddler Keeps Hitting
Initially, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Toddler Keeps Hitting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation always generates much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Toddler Keeps Hitting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Below are a number of the techniques Amy shares to assist you to come to be the mommy or dad you have actually always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (and more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Toddler Keeps Hitting
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary emotion below it
• The majority of mad children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … Toddler Keeps Hitting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we have to be prepared to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. Toddler Keeps Hitting
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Toddler Keeps Hitting
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to settle the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Toddler Keeps Hitting
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Toddler Keeps Hitting
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Toddler Keeps Hitting
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Toddler Keeps Hitting
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