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When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Toddler Listening Skills
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Toddler Listening Skills
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Toddler Listening Skills
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reading blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and practically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas bring about healthy child development Toddler Listening Skills
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to work temporarily. However long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Toddler Listening Skills
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Toddler Listening Skills
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that collaboration always produces better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Toddler Listening Skills
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (and also more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Toddler Listening Skills
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary feeling below it
• Most upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough since you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Toddler Listening Skills
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we should want to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as a person. Toddler Listening Skills
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Toddler Listening Skills
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Toddler Listening Skills
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Toddler Listening Skills
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Toddler Listening Skills
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Toddler Listening Skills
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