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When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Toddler Peeing In The Toilet
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Toddler Peeing In The Toilet
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Toddler Peeing In The Toilet
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reading blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also practically every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Toddler Peeing In The Toilet
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit for the moment. However long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Toddler Peeing In The Toilet
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Toddler Peeing In The Toilet
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that cooperation consistently yields much better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Toddler Peeing In The Toilet
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (and also more common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Toddler Peeing In The Toilet
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key emotion beneath it
• The majority of angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … Toddler Peeing In The Toilet
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to receive from our child, we should agree to give first. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. Toddler Peeing In The Toilet
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Toddler Peeing In The Toilet
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to solve the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Toddler Peeing In The Toilet
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Toddler Peeing In The Toilet
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Toddler Peeing In The Toilet
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Toddler Peeing In The Toilet
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