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When I initially came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Toddler Plays With Poop
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Toddler Plays With Poop
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Toddler Plays With Poop
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and practically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles lead to healthy child development Toddler Plays With Poop
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Toddler Plays With Poop
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want Toddler Plays With Poop
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that cooperation consistently produces much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Toddler Plays With Poop
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as extra usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Toddler Plays With Poop
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a primary feeling beneath it
• Most angry children are really scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Toddler Plays With Poop
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to get from our child, we should be prepared to offer. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as a person. Toddler Plays With Poop
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Toddler Plays With Poop
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to deal with the problem. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Toddler Plays With Poop
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Toddler Plays With Poop
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddler Plays With Poop
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Toddler Plays With Poop
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