Toddler Power Struggle – Exactly How I Used Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Listen

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Toddler Power Struggle
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Toddler Power Struggle

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”

I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain losing control.

It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Toddler Power Struggle

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Toddler Power Struggle

My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also virtually every other commonly accepted parenting method.

I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Toddler Power Struggle

Toddler Power Struggle

During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to help temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.

Considering his history and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Toddler Power Struggle

First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Overlooking significant wrongdoing

• Providing your children every little thing they want Toddler Power Struggle

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no limitations

You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently produces far better lasting results than strict control.

Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced limits

• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities

Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?

• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued

• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint

• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Toddler Power Struggle

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.

Here are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to assist you to evolve into the mother or dad you’ve always wished to be, as well as assist your child to reach his/her full potential.

Get to the root of the behavior

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (as well as a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

But we can progress a whole lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Toddler Power Struggle

As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary emotion beneath it

• Most angry children are actually scared and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that large need initially.

• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.

• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Toddler Power Struggle

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to obtain from our child, we have to agree to provide before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?

It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. Toddler Power Struggle

This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Toddler Power Struggle

Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …

Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to deal with the problem. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Toddler Power Struggle

Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.

Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.

Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Toddler Power Struggle

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I advise anybody who is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Toddler Power Struggle

You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.

In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Toddler Power Struggle


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