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When I initially became a mom, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Toddler Pushes
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Toddler Pushes
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Toddler Pushes
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as basically every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Toddler Pushes
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Toddler Pushes
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Toddler Pushes
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that cooperation always yields much better long-term results than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Toddler Pushes
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and much more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Toddler Pushes
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main feeling under it
• Most angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Toddler Pushes
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to get from our child, we should be prepared to offer. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. Toddler Pushes
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Toddler Pushes
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Toddler Pushes
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Toddler Pushes
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddler Pushes
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Toddler Pushes
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