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When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Toddler Refuses To Brush Teeth
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Toddler Refuses To Brush Teeth
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Toddler Refuses To Brush Teeth
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and pretty much every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts bring about healthy child development Toddler Refuses To Brush Teeth
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to work temporarily. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Toddler Refuses To Brush Teeth
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want Toddler Refuses To Brush Teeth
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently yields much better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Toddler Refuses To Brush Teeth
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Below are a number of the techniques Amy shares to encourage you to become the mama or father you have actually always intended to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (and also extra usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Toddler Refuses To Brush Teeth
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main feeling underneath it
• The majority of upset children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard because you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … Toddler Refuses To Brush Teeth
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to get from our child, we must agree to give first. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. Toddler Refuses To Brush Teeth
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Toddler Refuses To Brush Teeth
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Toddler Refuses To Brush Teeth
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Toddler Refuses To Brush Teeth
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. However gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddler Refuses To Brush Teeth
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Toddler Refuses To Brush Teeth
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