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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Toddler Refusing To Use Potty
There were a few books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Toddler Refusing To Use Potty
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Toddler Refusing To Use Potty
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as virtually every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles result in healthy child development Toddler Refusing To Use Potty
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Toddler Refusing To Use Potty
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want Toddler Refusing To Use Potty
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that collaboration consistently produces far better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Toddler Refusing To Use Potty
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Right here are a number of the techniques Amy shares to encourage you to evolve into the mother or dad you have actually always wanted to be, and also help your child to reach his or her full potential.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s typically simpler (and also extra common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Toddler Refusing To Use Potty
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a primary emotion under it
• The majority of angry children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following scenario … Toddler Refusing To Use Potty
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be prepared to give. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. Toddler Refusing To Use Potty
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Toddler Refusing To Use Potty
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Toddler Refusing To Use Potty
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Toddler Refusing To Use Potty
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about becoming a more positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Toddler Refusing To Use Potty
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Toddler Refusing To Use Potty
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