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When I first became a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Toddler Sibling Rivalry
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Toddler Sibling Rivalry
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Toddler Sibling Rivalry
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as basically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Toddler Sibling Rivalry
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Toddler Sibling Rivalry
First, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they want Toddler Sibling Rivalry
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently produces better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Toddler Sibling Rivalry
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (as well as a lot more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Toddler Sibling Rivalry
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a main feeling below it
• A lot of angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Toddler Sibling Rivalry
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be willing to give. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Toddler Sibling Rivalry
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Toddler Sibling Rivalry
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to fix the dispute. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Toddler Sibling Rivalry
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Toddler Sibling Rivalry
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddler Sibling Rivalry
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Toddler Sibling Rivalry
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