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When I initially came to be a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Toddler Slapping
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Toddler Slapping
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Toddler Slapping
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reading blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Toddler Slapping
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit temporarily. But long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Toddler Slapping
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for Toddler Slapping
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that cooperation always yields better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Toddler Slapping
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (and also extra common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Toddler Slapping
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a key emotion below it
• The majority of upset children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … Toddler Slapping
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we should be eager to give. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. Toddler Slapping
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Toddler Slapping
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Toddler Slapping
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Toddler Slapping
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Toddler Slapping
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Toddler Slapping
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.