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When I first became a mama, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Toddler Smearing Poop
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mother.Toddler Smearing Poop
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Toddler Smearing Poop
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began checking out blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also practically every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts cause healthy child development Toddler Smearing Poop
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to work temporarily. But in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Toddler Smearing Poop
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for Toddler Smearing Poop
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration always produces far better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outside conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Toddler Smearing Poop
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (and also more usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a whole lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Toddler Smearing Poop
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a primary emotion below it
• The majority of mad children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Toddler Smearing Poop
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we should be ready to provide. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as a person. Toddler Smearing Poop
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Toddler Smearing Poop
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Toddler Smearing Poop
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? Toddler Smearing Poop
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Toddler Smearing Poop
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Toddler Smearing Poop
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