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When I initially came to be a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Toddler Spanish
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.Toddler Spanish
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Toddler Spanish
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts cause healthy child development Toddler Spanish
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. However long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Toddler Spanish
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Toddler Spanish
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently produces much better lasting results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Toddler Spanish
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often simpler (and also much more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Toddler Spanish
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a key emotion under it
• The majority of mad children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard because you truly really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Toddler Spanish
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to get from our child, we need to want to offer first. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Toddler Spanish
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Toddler Spanish
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to deal with the dispute. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Toddler Spanish
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Toddler Spanish
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddler Spanish
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Toddler Spanish
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