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When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Toddler Tantrums 3 Year Old
There were a couple of books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.Toddler Tantrums 3 Year Old
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Toddler Tantrums 3 Year Old
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as practically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Toddler Tantrums 3 Year Old
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Toddler Tantrums 3 Year Old
Initially, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Toddler Tantrums 3 Year Old
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently generates much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Toddler Tantrums 3 Year Old
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently much easier (and also much more usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Toddler Tantrums 3 Year Old
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary emotion under it
• A lot of angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough because you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … Toddler Tantrums 3 Year Old
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to obtain from our child, we have to agree to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as an individual. Toddler Tantrums 3 Year Old
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Toddler Tantrums 3 Year Old
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Toddler Tantrums 3 Year Old
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Toddler Tantrums 3 Year Old
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Toddler Tantrums 3 Year Old
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Toddler Tantrums 3 Year Old
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