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When I initially became a mama, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Toddler Throwing Things
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Toddler Throwing Things
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Toddler Throwing Things
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and pretty much every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development Toddler Throwing Things
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to work for the moment. But in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Toddler Throwing Things
Let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want Toddler Throwing Things
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that collaboration always yields better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Toddler Throwing Things
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (as well as more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Toddler Throwing Things
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key emotion beneath it
• A lot of mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Toddler Throwing Things
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to get from our child, we need to want to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. Toddler Throwing Things
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Toddler Throwing Things
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to solve the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Toddler Throwing Things
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Toddler Throwing Things
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddler Throwing Things
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Toddler Throwing Things
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