Toddler Who Hits – Just How I Used Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Behave

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Toddler Who Hits
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Toddler Who Hits

There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.

It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Toddler Who Hits

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Toddler Who Hits

My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began checking out blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly approved parenting method.

I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Resolving power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how all of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Toddler Who Hits

Toddler Who Hits

During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to help temporarily. However long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.

Given his history as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Toddler Who Hits

First, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Disregarding major wrongdoing

• Giving your children everything they ask for Toddler Who Hits

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”

• Having no limitations

You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that collaboration always produces much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.

Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually figured out how to promote:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries

• Building a child’s foundational character traits

Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued

• Assisting kids to grow their self-control

• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Toddler Who Hits

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.

Right here are a number of the methods Amy reveals to help you to come to be the mom or dad you’ve always wanted to be, and assist your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Find the root of the behavior

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (as well as more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

Yet we can get a whole lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Toddler Who Hits

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a main emotion beneath it

• The majority of angry children are in fact scared and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.

• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.

• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Toddler Who Hits

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we need to be ready to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?

It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. Toddler Who Hits

This does not mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Toddler Who Hits

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …

Just recently, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Toddler Who Hits

Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.

So how can you become a positive parent? Toddler Who Hits

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I recommend any individual that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddler Who Hits

You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.

In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Toddler Who Hits


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