Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Toddler Won’t Let Me Brush Teeth
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Toddler Won’t Let Me Brush Teeth
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Toddler Won’t Let Me Brush Teeth
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began checking out material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and virtually every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Toddler Won’t Let Me Brush Teeth
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Toddler Won’t Let Me Brush Teeth
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Toddler Won’t Let Me Brush Teeth
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently yields much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Toddler Won’t Let Me Brush Teeth
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (as well as more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Toddler Won’t Let Me Brush Teeth
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary emotion under it
• The majority of mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following example … Toddler Won’t Let Me Brush Teeth
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to obtain from our child, we have to agree to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. Toddler Won’t Let Me Brush Teeth
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Toddler Won’t Let Me Brush Teeth
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Toddler Won’t Let Me Brush Teeth
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Toddler Won’t Let Me Brush Teeth
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddler Won’t Let Me Brush Teeth
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Toddler Won’t Let Me Brush Teeth
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.