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When I first became a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Toddlers Advice
There were a couple of books on our shelf about handling power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Toddlers Advice
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Toddlers Advice
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began checking out blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and virtually every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Toddlers Advice
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Toddlers Advice
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Toddlers Advice
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation always generates far better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Toddlers Advice
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy teaches to help you to evolve into the mom or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (as well as a lot more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Toddlers Advice
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key emotion underneath it
• The majority of mad children are really frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s hard because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The point is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following example … Toddlers Advice
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we must agree to give before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. Toddlers Advice
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Toddlers Advice
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Toddlers Advice
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Toddlers Advice
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Toddlers Advice
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Toddlers Advice
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