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When I first became a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Toddlers And Hitting
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Toddlers And Hitting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Toddlers And Hitting
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began reviewing blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Toddlers And Hitting
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to help for the moment. Yet long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Toddlers And Hitting
First, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they want Toddlers And Hitting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently generates far better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Toddlers And Hitting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (and much more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Toddlers And Hitting
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a main emotion underneath it
• Many mad children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you really really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … Toddlers And Hitting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we should be ready to offer. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as a person. Toddlers And Hitting
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Toddlers And Hitting
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Toddlers And Hitting
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Toddlers And Hitting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddlers And Hitting
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Toddlers And Hitting
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