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When I initially became a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Toddlers And Tv
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.Toddlers And Tv
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Toddlers And Tv
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also basically every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas lead to healthy child development Toddlers And Tv
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. Yet long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Toddlers And Tv
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Toddlers And Tv
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation always generates far better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Toddlers And Tv
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s usually easier (and also a lot more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Toddlers And Tv
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary emotion below it
• A lot of angry children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Toddlers And Tv
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to get from our child, we should be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as an individual. Toddlers And Tv
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Toddlers And Tv
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Toddlers And Tv
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Toddlers And Tv
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddlers And Tv
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Toddlers And Tv
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.