Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Toddlers Banging Head
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Toddlers Banging Head
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Toddlers Banging Head
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started checking out articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also virtually every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts bring about healthy child development Toddlers Banging Head
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to help for the moment. Yet long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Toddlers Banging Head
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Toddlers Banging Head
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration always generates better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple exterior conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Toddlers Banging Head
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Right here are a number of the strategies Amy teaches to encourage you to come to be the mother or dad you have actually always wanted to be, and assist your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (as well as a lot more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Toddlers Banging Head
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main feeling below it
• Many angry children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Toddlers Banging Head
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to get from our child, we need to be willing to provide first. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Toddlers Banging Head
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Toddlers Banging Head
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to deal with the dispute. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Toddlers Banging Head
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Toddlers Banging Head
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddlers Banging Head
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Toddlers Banging Head
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.