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When I first became a mama, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Toddlers Biting And Hitting
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mother.Toddlers Biting And Hitting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Toddlers Biting And Hitting
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reading material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and practically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts lead to healthy child development Toddlers Biting And Hitting
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Toddlers Biting And Hitting
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they want Toddlers Biting And Hitting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that cooperation always generates far better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than plain outward conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Toddlers Biting And Hitting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (as well as a lot more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Toddlers Biting And Hitting
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a key feeling underneath it
• Many mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you really wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … Toddlers Biting And Hitting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to receive from our child, we need to be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as a person. Toddlers Biting And Hitting
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Toddlers Biting And Hitting
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Toddlers Biting And Hitting
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Toddlers Biting And Hitting
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Toddlers Biting And Hitting
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Toddlers Biting And Hitting
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