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When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Toddlers Discipline Tips
There were a few books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Toddlers Discipline Tips
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Toddlers Discipline Tips
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and pretty much every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Toddlers Discipline Tips
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Toddlers Discipline Tips
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want Toddlers Discipline Tips
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration consistently generates far better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outside conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Toddlers Discipline Tips
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually simpler (and also more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Toddlers Discipline Tips
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a main emotion beneath it
• A lot of mad children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Toddlers Discipline Tips
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we must want to offer first. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Toddlers Discipline Tips
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Toddlers Discipline Tips
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to solve the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Toddlers Discipline Tips
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Toddlers Discipline Tips
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Toddlers Discipline Tips
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Toddlers Discipline Tips
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.