Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Toddlers Hitting
There were a few books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Toddlers Hitting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Toddlers Hitting
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reading articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and practically every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Toddlers Hitting
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit temporarily. However in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Toddlers Hitting
Initially, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Toddlers Hitting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently generates better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than plain external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Toddlers Hitting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (as well as extra common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Toddlers Hitting
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a main feeling beneath it
• The majority of mad children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult because you truly want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Toddlers Hitting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we must be ready to give. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Toddlers Hitting
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Toddlers Hitting
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to settle the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Toddlers Hitting
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Toddlers Hitting
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Toddlers Hitting
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Toddlers Hitting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.