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When I initially came to be a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Toddlers Saying Bad Words
There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Toddlers Saying Bad Words
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Toddlers Saying Bad Words
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Toddlers Saying Bad Words
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Toddlers Saying Bad Words
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Toddlers Saying Bad Words
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that collaboration consistently produces far better long-term results than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Toddlers Saying Bad Words
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (and also extra usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Toddlers Saying Bad Words
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary emotion underneath it
• Many mad children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Toddlers Saying Bad Words
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we need to be ready to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Toddlers Saying Bad Words
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Toddlers Saying Bad Words
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to solve the conflict. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Toddlers Saying Bad Words
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Toddlers Saying Bad Words
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Toddlers Saying Bad Words
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Toddlers Saying Bad Words
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