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When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Toddlers That Hit
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Toddlers That Hit
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Toddlers That Hit
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reading material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also practically every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles result in healthy child development Toddlers That Hit
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Toddlers That Hit
First, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for Toddlers That Hit
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration always produces much better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Toddlers That Hit
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (as well as much more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Toddlers That Hit
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary emotion below it
• The majority of upset children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Toddlers That Hit
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be eager to give. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as a person. Toddlers That Hit
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Toddlers That Hit
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Toddlers That Hit
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Toddlers That Hit
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Toddlers That Hit
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Toddlers That Hit
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.