Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Todler Tv
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.Todler Tv
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Todler Tv
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reading articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as basically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Todler Tv
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit temporarily. However long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Todler Tv
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Todler Tv
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently produces better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Todler Tv
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically simpler (as well as a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Todler Tv
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a main feeling under it
• The majority of mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough because you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Todler Tv
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to get from our child, we have to agree to give first. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as an individual. Todler Tv
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Todler Tv
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Todler Tv
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Todler Tv
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Todler Tv
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Todler Tv
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.