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When I initially became a mama, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Too Strict
There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Too Strict
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Too Strict
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reading blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and virtually every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Too Strict
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Too Strict
First, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Too Strict
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently produces better lasting results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Too Strict
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (and more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Too Strict
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary emotion under it
• Most angry children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … Too Strict
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we must be willing to offer. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Too Strict
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Too Strict
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Too Strict
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Too Strict
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Too Strict
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Too Strict
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