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When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Tooth Fairy Age
There were a couple of books on our shelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.Tooth Fairy Age
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Tooth Fairy Age
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and practically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Tooth Fairy Age
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Tooth Fairy Age
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Tooth Fairy Age
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that cooperation always produces much better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than simple external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Tooth Fairy Age
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Right here are a number of the methods Amy teaches to assist you to come to be the mama or father you have actually always wished to be, as well as help your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (as well as much more common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Tooth Fairy Age
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key feeling underneath it
• A lot of angry children are really anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Tooth Fairy Age
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to get from our child, we must be prepared to provide. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as an individual. Tooth Fairy Age
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Tooth Fairy Age
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Tooth Fairy Age
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Tooth Fairy Age
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Tooth Fairy Age
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Tooth Fairy Age
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