Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Top 10 Parenting Books
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Top 10 Parenting Books
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Top 10 Parenting Books
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and basically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas lead to healthy child development Top 10 Parenting Books
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Top 10 Parenting Books
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Top 10 Parenting Books
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that collaboration always yields better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Top 10 Parenting Books
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (and also extra usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Top 10 Parenting Books
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary feeling below it
• Many upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … Top 10 Parenting Books
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we must be prepared to give. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. Top 10 Parenting Books
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Top 10 Parenting Books
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Top 10 Parenting Books
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Top 10 Parenting Books
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Top 10 Parenting Books
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Top 10 Parenting Books
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.