Top Parenting Books NZ – Exactly How I Applied Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Behave

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Top Parenting Books NZ
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Top Parenting Books NZ

There were a few books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.

It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.Top Parenting Books NZ

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Top Parenting Books NZ

My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started checking out articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also virtually every other traditionally approved parenting method.

I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Top Parenting Books NZ

Top Parenting Books NZ

During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to work for the moment. But long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.

Considering his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Top Parenting Books NZ

Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a lazy parent

• Overlooking significant wrongdoing

• Giving your children whatever they want Top Parenting Books NZ

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no restrictions

You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently generates better long-term results than harsh control.

Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Establishing healthy limits

• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities

Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?

• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued

• Helping kids to establish self-discipline

• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity and focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Top Parenting Books NZ

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.

Here are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to assist you to become the mama or dad you have actually always wanted to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her full potential.

Discover the root of the misbehavior

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (and extra usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

Yet we can get a whole lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Top Parenting Books NZ

As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main emotion beneath it

• The majority of angry children are really scared and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.

• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.

• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Top Parenting Books NZ

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we should be willing to provide. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?

It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. Top Parenting Books NZ

This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Top Parenting Books NZ

Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …

Just recently, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Top Parenting Books NZ

Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some readers may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.

Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Top Parenting Books NZ

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I suggest anyone who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Top Parenting Books NZ

You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.

In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Top Parenting Books NZ


Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

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