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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Top Parenting Sites
There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Top Parenting Sites
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Top Parenting Sites
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles bring about healthy child development Top Parenting Sites
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Top Parenting Sites
First, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Top Parenting Sites
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration consistently generates much better lasting results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Top Parenting Sites
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and also extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Top Parenting Sites
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a key feeling below it
• Most angry children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … Top Parenting Sites
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we need to want to give before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your teen that you value their point of view, and you respect them as an individual. Top Parenting Sites
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Top Parenting Sites
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Top Parenting Sites
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Top Parenting Sites
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Top Parenting Sites
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Top Parenting Sites
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.