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When I first became a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Top Selling Parenting Books
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Top Selling Parenting Books
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Top Selling Parenting Books
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began checking out articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as practically every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts bring about healthy child development Top Selling Parenting Books
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Top Selling Parenting Books
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Top Selling Parenting Books
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration always generates far better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Top Selling Parenting Books
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Here are a couple of the techniques Amy shares to encourage you to come to be the mama or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and also extra typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Top Selling Parenting Books
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. So rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main emotion below it
• Many mad children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard because you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … Top Selling Parenting Books
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we must agree to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their point of view, and also you value them as an individual. Top Selling Parenting Books
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Top Selling Parenting Books
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Top Selling Parenting Books
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Top Selling Parenting Books
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Top Selling Parenting Books
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Top Selling Parenting Books
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.