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When I first became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Transitioning A Toddler To A Bed Peaceful Parenting
There were a couple of books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.Transitioning A Toddler To A Bed Peaceful Parenting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Transitioning A Toddler To A Bed Peaceful Parenting
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started checking out blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as practically every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Transitioning A Toddler To A Bed Peaceful Parenting
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Transitioning A Toddler To A Bed Peaceful Parenting
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Transitioning A Toddler To A Bed Peaceful Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that cooperation always yields better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Transitioning A Toddler To A Bed Peaceful Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (and also extra usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Transitioning A Toddler To A Bed Peaceful Parenting
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a key feeling under it
• The majority of upset children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … Transitioning A Toddler To A Bed Peaceful Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we have to be prepared to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Transitioning A Toddler To A Bed Peaceful Parenting
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Transitioning A Toddler To A Bed Peaceful Parenting
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to fix the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Transitioning A Toddler To A Bed Peaceful Parenting
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Transitioning A Toddler To A Bed Peaceful Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Transitioning A Toddler To A Bed Peaceful Parenting
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Transitioning A Toddler To A Bed Peaceful Parenting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.