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When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Treating Gbs Peaceful Parenting
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mother.Treating Gbs Peaceful Parenting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Treating Gbs Peaceful Parenting
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Treating Gbs Peaceful Parenting
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to work temporarily. However long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Treating Gbs Peaceful Parenting
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Treating Gbs Peaceful Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that cooperation always generates much better long-term results than forced control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outside conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Treating Gbs Peaceful Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically much easier (and also more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Treating Gbs Peaceful Parenting
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a main feeling under it
• The majority of angry children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Treating Gbs Peaceful Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we must be willing to give first. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as a person. Treating Gbs Peaceful Parenting
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Treating Gbs Peaceful Parenting
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to fix the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Treating Gbs Peaceful Parenting
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Treating Gbs Peaceful Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Treating Gbs Peaceful Parenting
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Treating Gbs Peaceful Parenting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.