Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Triple P Positive Parenting Program Book
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Triple P Positive Parenting Program Book
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Triple P Positive Parenting Program Book
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began checking out blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Triple P Positive Parenting Program Book
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit temporarily. Yet long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Triple P Positive Parenting Program Book
Let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Triple P Positive Parenting Program Book
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently generates better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Triple P Positive Parenting Program Book
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually much easier (as well as much more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Triple P Positive Parenting Program Book
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key feeling under it
• A lot of angry children are really anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Triple P Positive Parenting Program Book
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we have to be prepared to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard as well as show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as a person. Triple P Positive Parenting Program Book
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Triple P Positive Parenting Program Book
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Triple P Positive Parenting Program Book
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Triple P Positive Parenting Program Book
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Triple P Positive Parenting Program Book
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Triple P Positive Parenting Program Book
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.