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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Triple P Tip Sheets
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Triple P Tip Sheets
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Triple P Tip Sheets
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also basically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Triple P Tip Sheets
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to help for the moment. But long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Triple P Tip Sheets
First, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Triple P Tip Sheets
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently generates much better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than simple external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Triple P Tip Sheets
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (as well as a lot more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Triple P Tip Sheets
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary emotion below it
• A lot of upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Triple P Tip Sheets
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to obtain from our child, we have to want to provide first. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Triple P Tip Sheets
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Triple P Tip Sheets
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Triple P Tip Sheets
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? Triple P Tip Sheets
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Triple P Tip Sheets
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Triple P Tip Sheets
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