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When I first became a mom, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Tween Discipline
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Tween Discipline
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Tween Discipline
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reading blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as basically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles bring about healthy child development Tween Discipline
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. However in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Tween Discipline
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Tween Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that cooperation always produces far better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Tween Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently easier (and also more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Tween Discipline
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a primary feeling underneath it
• Most upset children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you really wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Tween Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we have to want to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as a person. Tween Discipline
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Tween Discipline
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Tween Discipline
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Tween Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Tween Discipline
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Tween Discipline
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