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When I first came to be a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Two Kids Fighting
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Two Kids Fighting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Two Kids Fighting
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other commonly approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Two Kids Fighting
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to work temporarily. However in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Two Kids Fighting
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Two Kids Fighting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently produces better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outward compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Two Kids Fighting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (as well as more common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Two Kids Fighting
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key feeling beneath it
• The majority of mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … Two Kids Fighting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as an individual. Two Kids Fighting
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Two Kids Fighting
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Two Kids Fighting
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Two Kids Fighting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Two Kids Fighting
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Two Kids Fighting
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