Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Two Year Old Whining
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Two Year Old Whining
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Two Year Old Whining
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas cause healthy child development Two Year Old Whining
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Two Year Old Whining
Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Two Year Old Whining
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that collaboration consistently yields far better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple exterior conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Two Year Old Whining
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often simpler (and more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Two Year Old Whining
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main emotion beneath it
• The majority of mad children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Two Year Old Whining
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we should be eager to give. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. Two Year Old Whining
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Two Year Old Whining
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Two Year Old Whining
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? Two Year Old Whining
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Two Year Old Whining
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Two Year Old Whining
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.