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When I first came to be a mother, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Unconditional Love Between Parent Child
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Unconditional Love Between Parent Child
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Unconditional Love Between Parent Child
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Unconditional Love Between Parent Child
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Unconditional Love Between Parent Child
Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want Unconditional Love Between Parent Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that cooperation consistently generates much better lasting results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Unconditional Love Between Parent Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Unconditional Love Between Parent Child
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. So rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key feeling under it
• Most mad children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … Unconditional Love Between Parent Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to receive from our child, we need to want to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Unconditional Love Between Parent Child
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Unconditional Love Between Parent Child
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to settle the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Unconditional Love Between Parent Child
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Unconditional Love Between Parent Child
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Unconditional Love Between Parent Child
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Unconditional Love Between Parent Child
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