Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Using Foul Language
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Using Foul Language
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Using Foul Language
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reading blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and virtually every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Using Foul Language
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Using Foul Language
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Using Foul Language
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation always generates far better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Using Foul Language
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and also much more common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Using Foul Language
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary emotion under it
• The majority of mad children are in fact anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Using Foul Language
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we have to be willing to give. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as a person. Using Foul Language
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Using Foul Language
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Using Foul Language
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Using Foul Language
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Using Foul Language
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Using Foul Language
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.