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When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Valentines Family Ideas
There were a few books on our shelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Valentines Family Ideas
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Valentines Family Ideas
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and basically every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles result in healthy child development Valentines Family Ideas
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit temporarily. However long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Valentines Family Ideas
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Valentines Family Ideas
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that collaboration always generates far better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Valentines Family Ideas
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (and a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Valentines Family Ideas
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary feeling underneath it
• Many angry children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Valentines Family Ideas
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to obtain from our child, we need to want to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as an individual. Valentines Family Ideas
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Valentines Family Ideas
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Valentines Family Ideas
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Valentines Family Ideas
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you have actually changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Valentines Family Ideas
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Valentines Family Ideas
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.