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When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Valentines Family
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Valentines Family
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Valentines Family
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and practically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Valentines Family
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to work temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Valentines Family
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want Valentines Family
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that collaboration consistently produces much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Valentines Family
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Right here are a number of the methods Amy teaches to encourage you to come to be the mom or father you have actually always wished to be, as well as assist your child to reach his/her full potential.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often simpler (as well as more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Valentines Family
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a key feeling beneath it
• Most upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Valentines Family
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be ready to provide. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you value them as an individual. Valentines Family
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Valentines Family
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to deal with the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Valentines Family
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Valentines Family
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Valentines Family
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. Valentines Family
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