Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Valentines For Family
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Valentines For Family
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Valentines For Family
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started checking out articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as basically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy child development Valentines For Family
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Valentines For Family
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want Valentines For Family
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently generates better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than mere exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Valentines For Family
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s usually widely accepted (and extra common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Valentines For Family
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main emotion underneath it
• Many mad children are really scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following example … Valentines For Family
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to obtain from our child, we must want to provide first. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. Valentines For Family
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Valentines For Family
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Valentines For Family
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Valentines For Family
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Valentines For Family
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Valentines For Family
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.