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When I first became a mama, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Values Parenting
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Values Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Values Parenting
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also practically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts cause healthy child development Values Parenting
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Values Parenting
First, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want Values Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that collaboration always yields better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Values Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (and also a lot more usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Values Parenting
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary emotion below it
• A lot of angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … Values Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we should be ready to give. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as a person. Values Parenting
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Values Parenting
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Values Parenting
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? Values Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Values Parenting
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Values Parenting
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